When I was 18 I
had my first major heartbreak.
I’d gone off to
college and while living in the dorms I met a guy. I actually didn’t like him
at first. I thought he was a little strange and I wasn’t attracted to him. But
we started running into each other a lot and we became friends. He started
paying special attention to me - lots of phone calls, texts, Starbucks runs,
surprise visits to my room and deep, late night conversations.
One night I
watched a movie with him on the black futon in his dorm room. We were all
snuggled up and I pretended that I was falling asleep. I wasn’t asleep though
because I was too elated to be spending time with him. He started running his
fingers around my face and sweeping my hair away from my forehead. I felt like
I had died and gone to heaven. I felt like he adored me.
I fell hard for
him. I wanted to be with him all the time and when something significant
happened he was the one I wanted to tell first.
I don’t think I
was in love with him but I was definitely on my way there.
And then, out
of the blue, he backed way off. I didn’t hear from him at all for nearly two
weeks. He asked me to come over to his room one night and told me we needed to
talk. And it was over.
At first I felt
kind of numb.
It didn’t feel
real.
The next day I
went to eat breakfast and I tried to hold it together. Then I came back to my
room. I shut the door and collapsed against it. I slid to the ground and began
sobbing uncontrollably.
I had never
experienced that kind of pain.
I spent the
remainder of my freshmen year in college deeply depressed. I tried hard to move
forward but I got stuck inside this awful rut. I would see him talking to other
girls, in the cafeteria eating lunch and in class. I wanted to forget about
what had happened and heal but he was always around. Every time I saw his face
it reminded me of what had happened between us. I tried to stop having feelings
for him but I never succeeded and it left me feeling powerless. I lost a ton of
weight and cried myself to sleep most nights.
I remember one
of the first things that made me feel better.
Over winter
break, I was visiting family and friends in my hometown. One night I went out
dancing with my friend Kathy. We went swing dancing at a country bar and I had
a ridiculously good time. I think that’s the night I fell in love with dancing.
It set me free from the pain, frustration, anger and depression I’d been
facing. That one night didn’t completely heal my broken heart but it was a huge
step forward. It got me out of the deep, muddy rut I’d been stuck in for quite
some time – even if it was just for a couple of hours.
I’m so thankful
that I discovered my passion for dancing. When I’m feeling anxious, uncertain,
frustrated or trapped – dancing makes me feel free.
There are many
more reasons I love to dance but this is one.
Have you ever
experienced a time in life where you discovered a passion that helped you get
out of a rut? I’d love to hear your story!
